Wacky Wednesday News

The best part of the story? Where the police spokesman says "the toilet and materials were arranged in a way that raised suspicion." Graffiti covered toilet on sidewalk in front of office: no big deal. Toilet and materials arranged in shape of Orion's Belt: now that's suspicious!

Suspicious Toilet With Phone Not Dangerous


Now this sounds like my kind of race! I'd run two miles for a Krispy Kreme. Mmmm.

Runners Dash 2 Miles, Scarf Doughnuts, Sprint Back


It wasn't the para sailing that killed him, it was all the celebratory cheeseburgers afterwards.

Russia's Parasailing Donkey Dies of a Heart Attack


More embarrassing local news. I swear, people, all of us who live here are NOT like this!
"Look! A dead raccoon."
"Cool. Let's keep it."
Yanks stiff "dead" (more likely in frozen-stasis) raccoon out of snowbank.
Coach: "Sure. Toss it in the back of the bus with everybody's luggage."
And yes, although this article doesn't mention it, my local paper reported this story and stated that the coaches and adults on the bus knew the team was hauling around a dead raccoon. WTF!

ND Team Exposed to Raccoon Pulled From Tournament


And this one's sure to create a lot of outrage. I thought my state would get "alcoholism" (I'd always heard that my state has the highest alcohol-consumption rate in the US), but instead it got "ugliest residents." Maybe the two are related.

Why Your State Sucks

They're all yo-yos, if you ask me

Bouquets with a chocolate bouquet? They'll make a fortune! http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35368476/ns/technology_and_science-science/

As someone who used to collect novelty lighters, I can see how this could happen.
Grenade Mistaken for Cigarette Lighter
Now I keep my grenades and my novelty-grenade-shaped-lighters separate.

Now here's a guy who plans ahead.
Man checks into jail with joints sewn in underwear

Think they'll throw the book at her? (yeesh)
Woman pleads guilty in ketchup attack on library

Spend the days before the apocalypse vacationing in sunny France? Sounds good to me.
Will This Mysterious French Town Survive the End of the World?

This could have been so much worse: the headline could have been, "Dozens Killed in Giant Yo-Yo Fail."
Plans for the world's biggest yo-yo spin out of control

Frosty's neutered, a fox watches too much UFC, and rabbits do math

Somebody's got too much time on their hands. And how much laundry do you have to do to collect this much lint?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41068119/ns/us_news-weird_news/

Wow. Those Russian foxes must be really tough; scuffle with the hunter over his gun?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41061364/ns/world_news-weird_news/

And an update on Frosty. Poor guy's been neutered. In the movie, Santa says, "Now you go home and write 'I am very sorry for what I did to Frosty' a hundred zillion times." Make that a hundred ga-zillion times for neutering him!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41061003/ns/us_news-weird_news/

And they only bought two at the pet store . . .
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41061173/ns/us_news-weird_news/

You know the dog said, "If I hear, 'it's a good thing' just one more time . . ."
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/41075555#41075555

That's NOT Manna From Heaven

This guy's real name must be "Unlucky Lou." Reminds me of the episode of "Family Guy" where Peter tries to come up with a fake name while in rehab (and he sees a pea on a plate and a tear roll down someone's face, then a Gryphon files in through the window; his fake name: Pea-tear Gryphon).
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40968935/ns/us_news-weird_news/

The most disturbing part of this story is that someone decided to taste the meat.
"Look, Bubba. Free meat from the sky!"
"Let's eat, Earl!"
http://fieldnotes.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/01/07/5784265-you-think-birds-falling-from-the-sky-is-weird

New twist on flying while impaired.
http://www.earthweek.com/2011/ew110114/ew110114f.html

Um. Maybe the Mayans weren't wrong about 2012 after all?
http://cosmiclog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/01/14/5841192-scientific-shifts-go-beyond-the-zodiac

Newsweek's Top Wacky Headlines (w/ commentary) ;)

Newsweek's Top Headlines of 2010 (Weird and Wacky version)

Slide #2: Little dog mugged--
Let's see a mugger get the leather biker's jacket off a Rottweiler named Cujo. Somebody get help from slide #16 or slide #18!

Slide #3 No charges in student buttocks branding--
Um. And this WASN'T a hazing ritual? Texas Christian University . . . I wonder if the brand was "WWJD?" (Not this, I can tell you that much!)

Slide #4: Vampire brings out SWAT--
Is it just me, or is that vampire looking at the big guy on the left like he's a big greasy cheeseburger?

Slide #5: Topless gardening--
I hope they weren't growing roses; or poison ivy.

Slide #6: Beer drinking ex-model spared caning--
Nothing funny about this one. Pass.

Slide #7: Jail me, Elmo?
Now we know why Elmo's always so damn happy.

Slide #8: Man jailed for intentional vomit--
I tried this at a hockey game once, but it froze too fast.

Slide #9: Lord Jesus Christ hit by car--
At least he tried this BEFORE he tried walking on water.

Slide #10: Woman fends of bear attack with zucchini--
So it's true: NO ONE likes zucchini; and why exactly did she just happen to have a zucchini laying around, anyway?

Slide #11: Woman in Sumo wrestler suit assaults ex-girlfriend after she waved at a man in a Snickers suit--
Wow. You can't even make that sort of stuff up. Maybe the ex thought sumo-girl and Snicker-guy were soul mates. Or maybe she wanted to see her Sumo-friend eat a . . . okay, not touching that one. I have my limits.

Slide #12: Smoking chimp rescued, sent to Brazil--
If someone wants to give me a free trip to Brazil, I'll gladly start smoking again. But you know we'll be hearing about this again in a few months: drunken carnivale chimp rescued, sent to . . .

Slide #13: Man caught smuggling 18 monkeys in a girdle--
I only have one thing to say: where the hell can I get one of those girdles? If it can hold 18 monkeys, it should have no problem with my muffin top.

Slide #14: Dick Van Dyke rescued by porpoises--
What? Dick Van Dyke surfs? There's a mental pic I didn't need.

Slide #15: To hospital for gunshot wounds or eat my delicious sandwich first?
I don't blame him. Have you seen the prices on those sandwiches?

Slide #16: Police alerted to superheroes patrolling Seattle--
Maybe coffee needs to be a little less available in Seattle. And really--a ballistic cup? Go ahead and shoot my head off, just don't plug me in the family jewels!

Slide #17: Naked Irish sleepwalker wins libel suit--
The basis of the libel suit? Did someone make fun of the shrinkage?

Slide #18: Chihuahua joins Japan's police force--
Well, we all know how small the apartments are over there. And you know the dog will work: criminals will fall over laughing every time someone says, "release the dogs."

Slide #19: Amateur player jailed for driving car at referee--
Wow, I knew soccer was a rough sport, but these people just don't mess around!

Slide #20: Pa. man lights joint to celebrate child's birth--
You just know he's going to be the most popular dad on the block.

Slide #21: German retiree bricks himself into cellar--
Has this man never seen a Daffy Duck or Road Runner cartoon in his whole life?

I hope you enjoyed Newsweek's Top Wacky Headlines of 2010.

And yes, I'm like one of those "Mystery Science" characters: I can't even watch a movie without throwing in my two cents every few seconds. Sympathy cards are welcome, just address to "Brenda's long-suffering hubby."

Goodbye to the old weird year

Kissless Christmas
Aw! Now what are the drunken revelers going to stand under to embarrass themselves at the office Christmas party?

Glow in the Dark Tourism
I went on vacation in Russia and all I got was this lousy radiation burn.

Flamingos Gather in Flamingo Shape
Wow. Talk about a bunch of camera hams!

Mutant Mosquitoes Released into the Wild
Apparently, watching the movie Mimic needs to be a prerequisite to receiving a science degree!

Woman Sues Google For Exposing Her Underwear on Street View
I think I can find who's really to blame: Woman Sues Google For Exposing Her Underwear on Street View. Don't hang your laundry in view of the street. I wouldn't want creepy neighbor Earl ogling my underwear on the line, much less the whole world (hey! Did you ever notice how close "Googling" and "ogling" are?)

And last but not least:
The Weird Science Awards for 2010

How does your garden grow? Quite malignantly, thank you!

Found this link today:
Are Poinsettias poisonous?

Interesting. I haven't had poinsettias in my home in years because I believed the poison myth.

But how is this weird news? It reminded me of a personal weird experience with plants (and this story is news to you, and thus, weird news--great segue way, huh?)

Being an outdoorsy type, I've been working for several years to make my backyard into a paradise. The first step was putting up a six-foot privacy fence (best money I ever spent). And little by little, I've been trying out different plants in the landscaping. Our winters are very, very harsh, so it's difficult to find plants that will last more than a year without intensive coddling (and I'm not the coddling type; so it's either grow or croak, I don't care).

I was having problems along one section of the fence. It's a shady spot, so it's hard to find things to grow there. I like plants that climb, (I have a hops vine along one sunny side), but I also like them to have flowers. I tried morning glories--nice, but didn't reseed themselves thoroughly enough. Then I tried Cyprus vine--epic fail; they never made it past an inch tall. Then I tried Clematis--they lasted one summer, in spite of supposedly being hardy enough for our winters. So I told my husband, "I guess next year maybe I'll try bittersweet. Or deadly nightshade." (I was joking about the nightshade . . . maybe).

The next year, as I was preparing the ground for planting, I noticed an odd little plant in the flower bed with tri-lobed, dagger-shaped leaves. Intrigued, I let it be. Sure enough, the little thing grew into a viney plant, with lovely purple and yellow flowers and beautiful berries that turned from emerald green, to sunshine orange, to deep maraschino cherry red.

And that plant? Bittersweet Nightshade. I kid you not.

The plant is a toxic, non-native weed and is supposed to range pretty much everywhere, but I've never seen it here before (and I spend a LOT of time out in the woods and along the rivers). And I've had flower beds in my yard for over ten years and never had the plant appear before. It is found some places in Minnesota, so it may have somehow made the long journey here. Surely no other gardener intentionally put the toxic plant into their garden? So some bird from far away just happened to overhear my decision to put bittersweet and nightshade in my garden (and being a bird, didn't understand I was talking about two different plants), and decided to oblige me by pooping a bittersweet nightshade seed into my flowerbed?

Yeah. There's some weird news for you.

And in case your curious, yes, I left the plant alone (live and let live), and it has grown to cover most of the eight-foot section of fence it sprouted by. It survives our harsh winters very well, which is exactly the kind of plant I need. And after all the effort the plant made to get here, who am I to argue with it?

If you'd like to see pictures of a bittersweet nightshade:
Minnesota Wildflowers

Chamberpot, hippie pot, the world gone to pot . . . and what not.

Woman Shocked to Find Squirrel in Toilet
And I thought I ate some weird stuff. Or maybe she was trying a "green" version of a colon cleansing. Remember the old joke where the bear asks the bunny, "Does poop stick to your fur?" When the bunny says no, the bear grabs the bunny and rubs it vigorously across his bum.

See? Santa Did Get My Letter
Apparently Jessie's been a very good boy! Four hundred thousand dollars worth of good!

Artist Tortures Santa in Gruesome Christmas Ornaments
These are the artist's statement against commercialism, so please buy one. (LOL)

Student Googles Himself and Finds Out He's Accused of Murder
Okay, but did his efforts at Search Engine Optimization get him in the top three results? That's all that matters, you know. And if so, how did he do it (the SEO, not the murder)? Inquiring bloggers want to know.

It takes all kinds to make a world

My favorite weird news of the week.

Politician urges men to sex strike
Ha! Good luck with that. Their next headline: "NRM Party Wins by Biggest Landslide Ever!"

Man shoots boy in tree after asking if he's a pigeon
So that's where that big plop on my windshield came from!

Idaho White Supremacist Builds KKK Snowman
Only use the power of Frosty for good.
Around here, our offensive snowmen are done by drunken jokers who put Frosty's carrot nose in the wrong bodily location.

Millions of bees dead after invading home
So who the hell was living in this house? Damien? Sir, does your son often have black dogs and crows hanging around him?

Oh, and speaking of Damien . . . I saw another instance when the little bugger must have been around, just off camera, in a video where two crows and a black cat are working together to attack a white cat. Every time the white cat turns around to face the black cat, the crows attack him. Every time he turns around to chase off the crows, the black cat attacks him. It's actually pretty strange to watch. I'd include a link, but the videos have all been removed from YouTube due to a copyright infringement claim--or is it Damien covering his tracks, lol?

It's a weird, weird world!

Get in touch with your inner marmot

First, a leftover from a few days ago: Another article I came across about "flying" snakes.

And today's link is about musical scores in horror movies.

We all know a good score can really add a lot to a movie. One of my favorite scores is the extra-creepy score for John Carpenter's The Thing. Even hearing the score without the visuals provided by the movie causes the hair on the back of my neck to stand up.

But who knew there was a scientific basis behind it? Who knew that the right music might just tap into the primal part of our brain that still remembers what it was like being a tasty caveman in a world of real monsters looking for a snack?

You can read the article here:
Scary Movie Scores Mimic Nature's Alarms