Comic Relief & Weird News, Jul 20th

Wow. He must have really ticked off that bear.
Owner of Killer Bear Chokes to Death on Sex Toy
And I quote, "Death likely accidental." Yeah, right. Check the murder weapon for incriminating paw prints.

This story will probably do more to reduce the divorce rate than all the marriage counseling in the world.
Woman Accused of Cutting Off Husband's Penis, Putting it Down Garbage Disposal

I had to read this story, just to make sure there really was more to it than just that one word; especially since I've texted far worse words.
Woman Arrested for Texting the Word 'Jerk'

So much for "Thank goodness for Chef Boyardee."
Raccoon Gets Head Stuck in Chef Boyardee Can
There at the end, I thought the raccoon was rushing him for the can again. "Hey! I wasn't done with that!"

Personally, I'm a fan of the Orbit swear words, especially "Lint-licker."
7 Best Shakespeare Insults
Interesting side-story: I once visited a pagan shop in another town. The owner's two sons were arguing when we walked in, but they quickly disappeared into the back room so they wouldn't be fighting in front of customers. The argument grew heated and soon carried out into the store. There was a loud thump (presumably of one brother throwing another against the wall) followed by, "You filthy whore-monger!" It remains one of my favorite curses to this day. "Embossed Carbuncle" is my second favorite.

I used to be a huge South Park fan. I even almost got a Cartman tattoo (I settled for a henna, non-permanent one, instead).
Coming Soon: Limited Edition Cheesy Poofs

Funny pic:
Redneck Airbag

From @funnyoneliners
Credit cards are very dangerous. Every time I try to use one, someone starts chasing me with scissors.