Newsweek's Top Wacky Headlines (w/ commentary) ;)

Newsweek's Top Headlines of 2010 (Weird and Wacky version)

Slide #2: Little dog mugged--
Let's see a mugger get the leather biker's jacket off a Rottweiler named Cujo. Somebody get help from slide #16 or slide #18!

Slide #3 No charges in student buttocks branding--
Um. And this WASN'T a hazing ritual? Texas Christian University . . . I wonder if the brand was "WWJD?" (Not this, I can tell you that much!)

Slide #4: Vampire brings out SWAT--
Is it just me, or is that vampire looking at the big guy on the left like he's a big greasy cheeseburger?

Slide #5: Topless gardening--
I hope they weren't growing roses; or poison ivy.

Slide #6: Beer drinking ex-model spared caning--
Nothing funny about this one. Pass.

Slide #7: Jail me, Elmo?
Now we know why Elmo's always so damn happy.

Slide #8: Man jailed for intentional vomit--
I tried this at a hockey game once, but it froze too fast.

Slide #9: Lord Jesus Christ hit by car--
At least he tried this BEFORE he tried walking on water.

Slide #10: Woman fends of bear attack with zucchini--
So it's true: NO ONE likes zucchini; and why exactly did she just happen to have a zucchini laying around, anyway?

Slide #11: Woman in Sumo wrestler suit assaults ex-girlfriend after she waved at a man in a Snickers suit--
Wow. You can't even make that sort of stuff up. Maybe the ex thought sumo-girl and Snicker-guy were soul mates. Or maybe she wanted to see her Sumo-friend eat a . . . okay, not touching that one. I have my limits.

Slide #12: Smoking chimp rescued, sent to Brazil--
If someone wants to give me a free trip to Brazil, I'll gladly start smoking again. But you know we'll be hearing about this again in a few months: drunken carnivale chimp rescued, sent to . . .

Slide #13: Man caught smuggling 18 monkeys in a girdle--
I only have one thing to say: where the hell can I get one of those girdles? If it can hold 18 monkeys, it should have no problem with my muffin top.

Slide #14: Dick Van Dyke rescued by porpoises--
What? Dick Van Dyke surfs? There's a mental pic I didn't need.

Slide #15: To hospital for gunshot wounds or eat my delicious sandwich first?
I don't blame him. Have you seen the prices on those sandwiches?

Slide #16: Police alerted to superheroes patrolling Seattle--
Maybe coffee needs to be a little less available in Seattle. And really--a ballistic cup? Go ahead and shoot my head off, just don't plug me in the family jewels!

Slide #17: Naked Irish sleepwalker wins libel suit--
The basis of the libel suit? Did someone make fun of the shrinkage?

Slide #18: Chihuahua joins Japan's police force--
Well, we all know how small the apartments are over there. And you know the dog will work: criminals will fall over laughing every time someone says, "release the dogs."

Slide #19: Amateur player jailed for driving car at referee--
Wow, I knew soccer was a rough sport, but these people just don't mess around!

Slide #20: Pa. man lights joint to celebrate child's birth--
You just know he's going to be the most popular dad on the block.

Slide #21: German retiree bricks himself into cellar--
Has this man never seen a Daffy Duck or Road Runner cartoon in his whole life?

I hope you enjoyed Newsweek's Top Wacky Headlines of 2010.

And yes, I'm like one of those "Mystery Science" characters: I can't even watch a movie without throwing in my two cents every few seconds. Sympathy cards are welcome, just address to "Brenda's long-suffering hubby."