Comic Relief & Weird News, Mar. 30th

As someone who's seen a million horror movies, this cannot be good! In Bordello of Blood, Lilith's heart was used to bring her back . . . maybe we should figure out whose brain this is before we start poking it with a stick. Or maybe it's just something a saber-tooth zombie squirrel buried to snack on later.
Brains on Campus

PETA complains that milking is cruel to cows and says we should be kind to a cow and drink human breast milk. Company develops human breast milk ice cream. Now, scientists create cows that give human breast milk. The plot thickens.
Human-like Milk from Cows

I went to the Chernobyl nuclear site and all I got was this lousy tan.

Atomic Tourism

Barbie being a Stepford Wife. NOT suitable for children, btw, so don't let them look over your shoulder at this. Nobody wants to face the question, "Mommy, why is Barbie holding that severed head and smiling?"
http://flavorwire.com/164590/photo-gallery-mariel-claytons-bloody-depraved-barbie-dolls-nsfw/3

The first print run of What Every Man Thinks About Apart From Sex has sold out. And what does this best-seller say? Nothing . . .Two hundred blank pages.

From WD The Weird week in writing

Those of us who have sold on eBay know that some auction items (used lingerie and well-worn shoes/socks) are best avoided because the auctions attract a lot of perverts. So what was this police department thinking?
Course, the advantage for the police department is that they've already got a list (and mug shots) of folks that would pay big bucks for these.
G-Strings Fund Police Department

Are you prepared? Sure, the government does those "disaster readiness" promos for tornadoes, floods, earthquakes . . . what about zombies?
Zombie Apocalypse Basics

From @Queryaddict:
A man walks into a bookstore. "Where's the self help section?"
The clerk says, "If I tell you, won't that defeat the purpose?"

From @funnyoneliners & @PaulyMortadella:
I always add "capers" to my grocery list because I love madcap hi jinks and fun.

And one more from @funnyoneliners:
Well, I see no one turned up for first day of ninja school... or did they?