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Monday, March 21, 2011

Put Down the Paintbrush & Step Away From the Room

A little comic relief first:

Horoscope for writers

As a Scorpio, I'm delighted to hear that my dreams are finally coming true, especially since I'm so very behind on revising the novel I'd want the 4-book deal for. It sure takes a lot of the pressure off if the publisher finds me. :)

Now for those of you who notice these kinds of things, you'll notice that this post is a little later than usual. Why?

The HOME IMPROVEMENT PROJECT FROM HELL!

No, that's not the title of my latest short story. That's what's been happening this weekend (and spilled over into today).

I had grown tired and annoyed staring at the walls of my writing room (because that's what we writers do, you know, stare into space; it's in the job description). Before I inherited it, the room was home to two teenage girls sequentially. It survived thirteen years of tape and nail polish and eyeliner (and one wall half-graffiti-ed with some kind of invisible glow-in-the-dark spray paint). And it showed.

Compounding the problem was a set of curtains I had made that looked fabulous but only made the walls look even more decrepit next to them.

So I went through 9000 paint chips and picked a color that matched the curtains (sun-kissed apricot).

Then when I went to purchase the paint, a different color caught my eye (water-lily blue).

To make a long story short, I ended up picking the new paint color. Then I had to find different fabric for curtains because my new-old curtains no longer matched. Then when we painted, we realized the lack of baseboards really shined the spotlight on how crappy our painting skills were. How else does one cover up the gap between the wall and the carpet? You can't paint all the way to carpet--believe me, I tried, and I've got a few spots of water-lily plush pile for my pains. Now I need new carpet! So I had to go on the quest for the perfect baseboards . . . Hero's Journey, my eye!

The lesson here is: change is bad! My one little idea ("Hey, this fabric would make great curtains for the Hemingway room") bloomed into a full project that took weeks of seeking materials and three whole days of actual manual labor.

And why did I become a writer? Oh yeah: because I don't like manual labor!

Never, never again. Next time I want to redecorate, I'll just move instead. It's easier.

Here's a pic. The curtain fabric is just draped over the curtain rod because I haven't had time to actually make the curtains yet.


But making the curtains (along with the rest of the upgrades: matching the crown moulding to the baseboards, new outlet covers, etc. etc.) can wait. I've got a novel to revise, dang it! I'm swearing off manual labor for a while.

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